My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
