So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
