So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
