her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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