Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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