I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
