gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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