He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
