It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
