a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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