I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
