you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
