Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
