I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
