Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
