if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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