Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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