you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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