If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
