i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
