you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
