my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
