still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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