We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
