The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
