it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
