he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
