We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
