You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
