Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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