You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
