I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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