My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
