i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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