trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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