I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
