If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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