don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
