Having a random hookup so left but love u
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
