yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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