Well douche your snatch and let's go!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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