Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
soo... how was my night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
