Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
