matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
