I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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