Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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