She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
