i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
