so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
