She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
